I ALWAYS WANTED TO CREATE!
Ever since 3rd grade, I’ve always wanted to be a Youtube content creator, it all started when I was browsing the net on our old, dinky yet huge screened HP Pavilion laptop. While searching Minecraft on it, one of Stampylonghead’s Minecraft lets play video came up, and was instantly hooked on it. It snowballed in discovering tons of other Minecraft Youtube creators like Dantdm, PopularMMOs, and many more.
Through these binge-watching sessions, I discovered a different genre of Youtube channels on the website, which uploads, challenges, skits,and parodies, and one of them is Wassabi production, which includes its two main members Alex and Roi Wassabi (now Guava Juice). They were a huge inspiration of mine, I’ve even started recording via my ipad and attached it on my bike when I was 11, in an attempt to vlog like them, right after watching one of Roi Wassabi’s vlogs here in the Philippines . Although they inspired me, the lack of action on my part delayed this dream of mine.
One of the main reasons, I was not creating as I would like to do, is the insecurity I felt whenever I post publicly to my social media accounts. I often experience spotlight syndrome where I over estimate how much people pay attention to me. I always put myself in other people’s shoes and judge myself in their perspective, which makes me more insecure and act in a very tense way, like I don’t know how to act in certain situations.
So, instead of creating my own content, and living my dream, I live it through other’s social media posts, and instead I’ve become a consumer. Thus, I struggled with addiction to consuming social media content, especially in short form video content (such as Instagram and Facebook Reels, Youtube Shorts, and especially Tiktok).
This addiction, worsened by the lockdowns and the Coronavirus pandemic, made me even more insecure. The toxicity of the cancel culture in social media also contributed to my consuming habits, where every minor move you made (even if it is in the past) would be examined and could be used against you.
Social media also made me compare my achievements to others, taking a toll to my mental health. Additionally, my addiction turned me into a procrastinator, which ultimately led me to fail a subject.
If I were to estimate the time I’ve spent consuming social media, it would span up to a month of my life, in which I am trying to change lately.
In recent months, I’ve felt utterly lost, constantly worrying about my future every night before a major exam or presentation, which has fueled my anxiety. This term, I’ve only taken 12 units – the minimum allowed by De La Salle University – to try and give my dream a shot.
